I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
