You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
