I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
