I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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