It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
