I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
