you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
