Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
