i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
