his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
