I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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