I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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