So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
