so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
