I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
