That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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