I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
did i walk over a car last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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