thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
