At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize