Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
