I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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