People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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