My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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