Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
