I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
