I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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