I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
