When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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