Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
