i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
