so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
