When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
