My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
