At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
