Rock
Scissors
Fuck
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
