Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
