Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
