Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
