You're so nebulous sometimes
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
