In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
