Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
