I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
