if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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