This girl is more easily done than said...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
