He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
