So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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