It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
