soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
