Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
