i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
