No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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