when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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