I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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