Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize