wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
