on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
