I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
