I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
