Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
two words: eviction party
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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