My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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