dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
