it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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