last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize