Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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