Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
