Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need a burrito and a hug.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
