What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Shame - the story of my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
