I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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