don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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