And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
