Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The air taste purple.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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