Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
