so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
