I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
