So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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