Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
