how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
