Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
