I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
