I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
